Low self-esteem
Do you often feel you are not good enough, do you doubt yourself, or are you extremely critical of your own mistakes? Low self-esteem can hold you back at work, in your relationships and in your personal growth. I help you look at yourself more kindly and build healthy confidence.
Do you recognise this?
- Your inner voice is strict and critical, far harder than you would ever be on someone else
- You often doubt yourself and what you can do, even when other people value you
- You wave compliments away, or think people are only being kind to you
- You are afraid of making mistakes, because that would 'prove' you are not good enough
- You compare yourself with others constantly, and always come up short
- You feel guilty when you take time for yourself or say 'no'
- You are constantly looking for reassurance from others to feel you are worth something
- You avoid challenges for fear of failing or being rejected
What is low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem means that you value yourself below what you are actually worth. You mostly see your shortcomings and you are hard on yourself, while you do not acknowledge your qualities and successes, or wave them away as 'luck' or 'not really down to me'.
Low self-esteem can grow out of critical or demanding parents, bullying or rejection, traumatic experiences, constant comparison with others, perfectionism, or failures and disappointments that you take too personally.
People with low self-esteem often have a persistent inner critic that always has something to say. They doubt their own abilities, feel like a fraud (impostor syndrome), and find it hard to set boundaries for fear of letting other people down. This is not a character trait. It is a pattern you can change.
The terms low self-esteem and low self-image are often used interchangeably. There is a subtle difference: self-esteem refers to how you value yourself as a person, while self-image is about the broader picture you have of yourself, including your beliefs, thoughts and feelings about who you are. In practice the two are closely linked: a low self-image almost always leads to low self-esteem, and the other way round. Treatment works on both at the same time.
Symptoms of low self-esteem
Negative self-image
- A persistent inner critic that always has something to say
- Doubting your own abilities despite evidence to the contrary
- The feeling of being a fraud (impostor syndrome)
- Comparing yourself with others and always falling short
Patterns of behaviour
- Difficulty accepting compliments
- Perfectionism and self-criticism that leave you paralysed
- Avoiding challenges for fear of failing
- People-pleasing: always looking after others, never yourself
Emotional consequences
- Fear of making mistakes or being rejected
- Guilt when you set boundaries
- Constantly looking for reassurance from others
- Feeling you are not good enough, whatever you achieve
Do you recognise several of these symptoms? Book a free intro call and talk through what you are experiencing.
Treatment
In therapy I help you understand where your low self-esteem comes from, and build a healthier self-image step by step. We work on recognising and challenging negative thoughts about yourself, and on building self-compassion.
Cognitive behavioural therapy
We look at the negative thoughts you have about yourself, and learn to recognise and challenge them. You learn to see yourself more realistically, and more kindly.
Schema therapy
We look at patterns that formed in your childhood, such as 'I am not good enough' or 'I have to be perfect to be loved'. Together we can change these schemas.
Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
Learn to treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would give a good friend. Develop an inner voice that supports you instead of tearing you down.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Learn to observe your negative thoughts without being carried along by them, and to focus on what really matters to you in life.
How long treatment takes
Building healthy self-esteem is a process that asks for time and patience. Your inner critic has often been growing for years.
Short-term (8-12 sessions)
For self-esteem problems that are relatively recent, or tied to specific triggers. Focused on recognising patterns and learning self-compassion.
Medium-term (12-20 sessions)
For deep-rooted beliefs from childhood. Includes schema work, changing core beliefs and building confidence that lasts.
The treatment lengths given here are a guide. Every programme runs differently, and we tune the treatment to your own situation and needs.
Curious what a course of treatment costs? See the prices per session and what your insurer or employer may cover.
See the pricesWhen to seek help
Seek help if you recognise the following:
- Your inner critic gets in the way of your daily life
- You avoid opportunities or challenges for fear of not being good enough
- Your relationships suffer from your need for reassurance, or from how hard you find setting boundaries
- Perfectionism leaves you paralysed, or burnt out
- You constantly feel you are not good enough, whatever you achieve
- You recognise a pattern that you cannot break on your own
What you can do yourself
Changing your self-image starts with small steps. Here is what you can already do:
Recognise your inner critic
- Notice when your inner voice is strict or judging
- Write the critical thoughts down and ask yourself: would I say this to a friend?
- Start to see the critic as a pattern, not as the truth
Practise self-compassion
- Treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend
- Allow yourself to make mistakes. It is part of being human
- Celebrate small successes, even when your inner critic wants to play them down
Set healthy boundaries
- Practise saying 'no' in small ways, without feeling guilty
- You do not have to be there for everyone all the time to be worth something
- Remember: setting boundaries is not selfishness, it is self-care
Changing your self-esteem is not a matter of flicking a switch. It is a process of practice, of falling down and getting up again. But every small step towards self-compassion counts.
Frequently asked questions about low self-esteem
Absolutely not. Healthy self-esteem means seeing yourself realistically. You acknowledge your strengths as well as your weaknesses. That is very different from arrogance.
Yes. It asks for time and practice, but changing your self-image is certainly possible. Many people who struggled with low self-esteem for years still learn to look at themselves more kindly.
That feeling is very familiar to people with low self-esteem. Together we look at whether your thoughts about yourself really are realistic, or whether your inner critic is giving you a distorted picture. It usually turns out to be the latter.
Yes, low self-esteem often goes together with anxiety, depression, perfectionism and relationship problems. Working on your self-image can have a positive effect on those areas too.
Self-insight can be confronting at times, but it is freeing as well. We work on accepting who you are, with every side of you, and that is the basis for real change.
Start today
Ready to take the first step?
Book a free, no-obligation 15-minute phone call and find out what I can do for you.