Major life events
A major life event leaves its mark, even when that is not visible straight away.
Do you recognise this?
- You are thrown back to the moment itself by images, sounds or smells that surface out of nowhere
- You avoid places, people or situations that remind you of what happened
- You feel constantly alert or on your guard, as if something could go wrong at any moment
- You sleep badly, have nightmares, or wake up tired
- You feel emotionally numb, as though you have cut yourself off from what happened
- You carry guilt or shame, even though you know it was not your fault
- The people around you do not understand why you are 'still not over it'
- You function on autopilot, but inside you feel empty or restless
- Relationships feel like hard work. You withdraw, or react differently from how you want to
What are major life events?
A major life event is an experience so overwhelming that your brain and your body cannot take it in straight away. Think of the sudden death of someone close to you, a serious accident, a diagnosis of serious illness, sexual or physical violence, a robbery, a fire, or witnessing something shocking.
Not everyone responds to a major life event in the same way. Some people work through it relatively quickly. For others the symptoms carry on for weeks, months or even years, and sometimes without them realising that those symptoms are connected to what they went through.
A major life event can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but the impact can be considerable without that diagnosis too. You do not have to have been through 'severe' trauma to need professional support. If something has affected you, that is reason enough to look for help.
Symptoms of major life events
Reliving the event
- Intrusive memories or flashbacks of the event
- Nightmares or distressing dreams
- Emotional or physical reactions when something reminds you of the event
Avoidance
- Avoiding thoughts, feelings or conversations about the event
- Avoiding places, people or activities that trigger memories
Negative mood and thoughts
- Persistent negative beliefs about yourself or the world ('I am not safe', 'It was my fault')
- Feelings of guilt or shame, or of being estranged from other people
- Feeling positive emotions less strongly
Heightened alertness
- Sleep problems
- Irritability or outbursts of anger
- Concentration problems
- An exaggerated startle response
Do you recognise several of these symptoms? Book a free intro call and talk through what you are experiencing.
Treatment
Working through a major life event asks for a safe, measured approach. In my sessions we take it step by step, in a way that suits you.
Psychoeducation
You come to understand what happens in your mind and your body after a major life event. Why do you react the way you do? That understanding alone often brings calm and recognition. We look together at how your personality, your circumstances and your symptoms fit together.
Stability and emotion regulation
Before we discuss the event, we first build a firm base. You learn techniques such as breathing exercises and mindfulness to ground yourself, to calm down and to stay in control when emotions overwhelm you.
Cognitive behavioural therapy
We look at how thoughts about the event shape your feelings and your behaviour. Beliefs such as 'it was my fault' or 'nowhere is safe' are understandable, but they keep your symptoms in place. Together we work towards thought patterns that help you.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Sometimes it is not about changing thoughts, but about dealing with them differently. ACT helps you to accept what you cannot change, to loosen the grip of thoughts that hold you back, and to live by the values that matter to you.
Body-focused techniques
Major life events do not sit in the mind alone, the body remembers them too. I bring in body-focused exercises to release tension and settle the nervous system.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing)
For a single major life event such as an accident, a sudden loss or a robbery, I can use EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing). This is a method proven to be effective, in which the emotional charge of a memory is reduced through bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements. EMDR can bring relief relatively quickly.
How long treatment takes
Short-term (6-10 sessions)
For a single major life event with relatively few complicating factors. Focused on working it through, on stability, and on building coping strategies that help.
Medium-term (10-20 sessions)
For several difficult experiences, or when the event cuts deeper into how you see yourself and your relationships. We then also work on breaking long-standing patterns.
The treatment lengths given here are a guide. Every programme runs differently, and we tune the treatment to your own situation and needs. I will refer you on if your difficulties are more complex. That also applies when it turns out during the sessions that what looked like a single problem points to a broader picture needing specialist treatment. In both cases I will think it through with you honestly and help you find the right practitioner, through your GP (huisarts) or a specialist mental health service, for example.
Curious what a course of treatment costs? See the prices per session and what your insurer or employer may cover.
See the pricesWhen to seek help
Seek help if you recognise the following:
- Your symptoms have lasted longer than a month since the event
- Your daily functioning at work, in your relationships or in your sleep is disrupted
- You avoid more and more in order to steer clear of triggers
- The people around you are worried
- You feel that you cannot work your way out of this on your own
What you can do yourself
Acknowledge what happened
- Do not play down your own experience. What affected you counts, however 'big' or 'small' it may look from the outside.
Safety first
- Make sure you are in a safe environment. Recovery only begins once you feel a basic sense of safety.
Structure and regularity
- Keep to a daily rhythm. Sleep, food and movement are the basis of recovery, even when that feels difficult.
Talk about it, with the right person
- You do not have to carry this on your own. Confide in someone you trust, or look for professional support if you notice you are getting stuck.
Avoidance helps in the short term, but not in the long term
- It is understandable that you avoid triggers. But avoidance keeps the symptoms in place. Small, safe steps towards facing what happened are what really move you forward.
Recovery after a major life event does not run in a straight line. There are good days and harder ones. But with the right guidance it is possible to give what happened its place, and to start living again instead of merely surviving.
Frequently asked questions about major life events
You do not need an official diagnosis to deserve help. Many people have serious symptoms without a full diagnosis being in place. If something has had a big impact on you and it affects your daily life, that is reason enough to look for help, whatever label happens to fit.
Absolutely. Working through a major life event has no expiry date. It is in fact very common for symptoms to surface only years later, when a new life event stirs up old pain. When the event happened says nothing about whether therapy can still help. What counts is what you are experiencing now.
No. We never go faster than you can manage. Therapy for a major life event is not an interrogation. The aim is not to reconstruct every detail, it is to reduce the emotional charge. With methods such as EMDR you do not even need to discuss the event at length. You decide what you share, and when.
That is normal. Memory protects itself. Memories of traumatic experiences can be vague, fragmented or blocked out completely. You do not have to remember the event in full to work on the symptoms you have now. We always start with what is going on for you at the moment.
No. Recovery after a major life event goes differently for everyone and cannot be planned. The people around you often mean well, but grief and recovery after events like these have no timeline. If you still feel it, it is still relevant and you are entitled to support, however long ago it was.
Start today
Ready to take the first step?
Book a free, no-obligation 15-minute phone call and find out what I can do for you.