Relationship problems
Your relationship no longer feels the way it used to. Perhaps distance has grown between you, the same arguments keep coming back, or you no longer know how to reach each other. Relationship problems touch you at your core, but change is possible.
Do you recognise this?
- The two of you have the same discussions over and over without reaching a solution
- Distance has grown between you and you feel lonely in the relationship
- Your partner does not understand you, or the other way round
- Trust has been damaged and you do not know how to repair it
- You are unsure whether to stay or to go
- Intimacy and connection have disappeared
- You notice that old patterns from your own upbringing are playing a part in your relationship
What are relationship problems?
Relationship problems arise when the connection between partners comes under pressure. That can be down to miscommunication, unmet needs, major life events, or patterns you both bring with you from your own past.
Often, relationship problems are not the problem itself but a symptom of deeper unmet needs. One of you wants more connection, the other wants more space. One expresses frustration, the other withdraws. That is how vicious circles form, and they become harder and harder to break.
Relationship therapy helps to make these patterns visible and to break them. It is not about who is right. It is about understanding what is going on below the surface, and growing back towards each other from there.
Symptoms of relationship problems
Communication problems
- The same arguments or disagreements, again and again
- Talking past each other, or not talking at all
- Blame, criticism or reacting defensively
- The feeling of not being heard or understood
Emotional distance
- Loneliness within the relationship
- Avoiding difficult conversations
- A lack of intimacy or warmth
- The feeling of being housemates rather than partners
Problems with trust
- Jealousy or controlling behaviour
- Unresolved hurt after infidelity or lies
- Difficulty allowing yourself to be vulnerable
- Doubt about the future of the relationship
Do you recognise several of these symptoms? Book a free intro call and talk through what you are experiencing.
Treatment
In relationship therapy we work together on the dynamic between you. We look at the patterns, at the needs underneath them, and at how the two of you can find your connection again.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
We map out the emotional cycle: who does what, and what do you feel while it happens? Making the emotions and needs underneath visible creates understanding, and room for change.
Communication training
The two of you learn a different way of talking to each other. Not from blame or defence, but from vulnerability and need. Small changes in how you communicate can bring about large shifts.
Pattern analysis
We explore which patterns from your own upbringing are playing a part in the relationship. Once you understand where your automatic reactions come from, you can choose more consciously how you respond.
Individual work
Sometimes it is necessary to look individually as well at what you bring into the relationship. Your own unresolved hurt or unmet needs often play a part without your knowing it.
How long treatment takes
How long relationship therapy takes depends on how complex the problems are and on how motivated the two of you are to work on change.
Short-term (6-10 sessions)
For communication problems or one specific conflict. Focused on breaking a pattern and improving the way you communicate with each other.
Medium-term (10-20 sessions)
For deep-rooted patterns, a breach of trust or long-standing distance. Including work on the emotions underneath and on attachment patterns.
Relationship therapy can take place individually or as a duo. Sometimes a combination is the most effective. We discuss together what suits the two of you best.
Curious what a course of treatment costs? See the prices per session and what your insurer or employer may cover.
See the pricesWhen to seek help
Seek help if you recognise the following:
- The two of you can no longer work it out together
- The same conflicts keep coming back without ever being resolved
- There is a breach of trust that you cannot repair on your own
- You feel lonely in your relationship
- You doubt whether the relationship still has a future
- Your communication has become stuck in blame or in silence
What you can do yourself
Even without therapy you can start with small steps towards more connection:
Listening without judgement
- Try to really listen to what your partner is saying, without immediately reacting or defending yourself
- Ask open questions: 'What exactly do you mean?' or 'How did that feel for you?'
- Summarise what you hear before you respond
Speak from your own perspective
- Use 'I' statements rather than 'you' accusations: 'I feel...' rather than 'You always...'
- Name the need behind the frustration
- Be honest about what you feel, even when that leaves you vulnerable
Invest in connection
- Deliberately plan time together, without phones or distractions
- Do something together that you both used to enjoy
- Show appreciation for the small things your partner does
A relationship needs maintenance, like everything of value. If you cannot manage it on your own, asking for help is a sign of strength, not of weakness.
Frequently asked questions about relationship problems
Not necessarily. Relationship therapy can also take place individually. Changing your own patterns often has a positive effect on the dynamic in itself. If you are both open to it, duo therapy is often the most effective.
You can also start on your own. Working on your own part in the dynamic often shifts something in the relationship already. Sometimes that is enough to motivate your partner as well.
Yes. Sometimes therapy helps to repair the relationship, sometimes to separate in a respectful way. In both cases it is worth understanding the patterns, so that you do not repeat them.
Many couples notice a difference in how they communicate after only a few sessions. Deeper changes take more time, but the first steps are often noticeable surprisingly quickly.
Start today
Ready to take the first step?
Book a free, no-obligation 15-minute phone call and find out what I can do for you.